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Happiness
Case 1: Guy falls in love with girl.. They date each other for a few years, and realize that they can live with each other, and get married.. Years pass by, and a couple of kids later, there is no love left, just the fact that you can co-exist with your spouse..
Case 2: Guy woos over a girl.. They decide to get married.. Parents oppose.. They have their way, but parents perennially unhappy.. Girl and guy are a happy married couple.
Case 3: Guy and girl meet, fall in love, get married.. Some years later, girl realizes she doesn't love him anymore, and dumps him, and fights an ugly battle for kids custody..
Case 4: Guy and girl fall in love, girls parents oppose, she finally gives in to them, and decides to end the escapade..
I am seeing one of these happening around me all the time.. And I mean it, all the time.. In each of these cases, there is a constant tug of war between the person's own happiness, the happiness of his loved one, and his parents happiness. A series of incidents have left me wondering how do people make this type of choices.. How do they decide if their own happiness is worth more than the family, or it is ok to be unhappy and maintain status quo, for the sake of kids or family or even society.. Am well versed with engineering trade-offs, but am still unclear what train of thought someone has when making a decision such as these..
For ex, If I decide to go against my parents wishes and marry, then am I being selfish and putting my happiness above theirs?? Is my happiness more important than their happiness??I have a responsibility towards them, but at the same time, I am committed to someone else.. How can I pick a side, because no matter which way I tread, someone will be unhappy.. This is one of the cases where this doesn't apply : "Whatever comes our way, whatever battle we have raging inside us, we always have a choice. It's the choices that make us who we are, and we can always choose to do what's right." There are more than one right paths, we need to choose which right we want to stand by..
3 comments:
First comment! What do I win?
There's no easy answer (but you already knew that). First, let me remind you about the nature of love: evolutions way of making you put reproduction above self-interest. But again, you already knew I'd say that.
Let's take a person - call him/her P (short for person of course). P is torn between his/her family and a potential spouse, whom (s)he's 'committed' to. P has a good idea about his/her family, the way (s)he relates to them, how they relate to him/her and why they oppose this potential match.
Question: why do they oppose this?
- Is it caste, language or other such considerations
- Is it that they feel the two aren't well matched?
- Is it money?
- Do they dislike the other person?
P needs to dig deeper, and try to understand why. If there is some sense in his/her family's opinion (other than considerations of caste, language, money) etc., I'd say go with it. Sometimes, others see things that we don't ...
If the reason is just prejudice, I'd say reject it. P should make a good attempt at convincing them, but finally, P has to live up to his/her principles.
I agree with the fact that sometimes others can see things that we cant, especially when we are blinded by love.. And even though what you said makes sense, I dunno how many people use this approach.. P, once in love begins to use his heart to think rather than his head.. And that is the actual crux of the problem : remaining rational..
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